Every Tuesday, our local library puts on a Musing and Movement class for toddlers. Because I’m a social pariah and have difficulty a) finding friends and b) establishing playdates and opportunities for my progeny to make friends, events like these that are recurring AND preplanned by someone who isn’t me are something of a staple to my son’s social calendar.
We go just about every week.
Today, we had an experience that left me scratching my head and wondering if I did the right thing. (But only for a minute. After a minute, I was like, yes girl - you did right.)
All of the kids had been given their own musical shaker to dance with for a song. These shakers came in various shapes and sizes and for the first time in the several times we have attended, Cade was up and dancing and loving on that shaker. A good time was being had.
A little boy a couple years older than him walked over and said, “I want to trade.” I looked at Cade, who was vigorously shaking his and had no interest in what the little boy was offering and told the little boy, “I’m sorry - I think he’d like to keep playing with his shaker.”
The little boy scowled. “No, I want to trade.” He proceeded to reach over and grab Cade’s shaker.
Without thinking, I grasped it and told him, “I’m sorry - he’d like to keep this one. Maybe we’ll trade next time.”
The little boy started wailing and ran over to tell his mom how mean I was. I looked at her and smiled sympathetically, but unapologetically. And then I felt a little bad.
Maybe I should have let him have it - maybe that would have been a good opportunity to teach Cade how to share,, I thought. And then I realized - somebody coming up and physically taking something from you isn’t sharing. Would I allow someone I didn’t know, who I had no interest in interacting with, to walk up and take something out of my hands? No. Like, not ever. Then why would I expect my child to tolerate that behavior? Why would I try and pass that off as sharing?
One of the traits I really want my sons to have is assertiveness and the strength of character to a) stand up for what they believe in and b) stand up for what’s right. In my limited parenting experience, I firmly believe that this needs to be taught early. It’s okay to stand your ground. It’s okay to stand up for yourself. If we had more of that, I think society would be a little less messy these days.
Is sharing important? ABSOLUTELY. It’s a skill I want them to be really good at - recognizing a need or a lack and instinctively filling it. But it needs to be voluntary. Much like charity, you can’t mandate true sharing. So for now, I’ll just keep asking him to share his “bites” with me, and if there’s a little kid shyly eying the toy he’s playing with, I’ll continue to invite him to walk over and offer.
But I will not teach him to let someone walk over and take something from him.
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