Today was one of those days where I just didn't feel like I was doing right by anyone I hold any responsibility towards.
My baby had an 8:30 doctor's appointment, and the doctor was running 45 minutes late. My toddler was bored about 5 minutes in to our wait in the tiny exam room and both of us had exhausted each other's patience by the time we left at 9:30.
The baby had a massive blowout, in his carseat, at the doctor's office, and I only had a spare onsie to put him into for the way back.
I realized at the doctor's office that I would need to drive an hour round trip to pick up some business cards from my husband's car for a work appointment I had later that afternoon - so after the doctor, we hurried and drove down and then back to the house to eat a quick lunch and read a book before putting the boys down in hopes they would take a super brief nap before I had to wake them and drop them off at their Grandma's while I went to work.
By the time we got home at 5PM, I had been driving for over 5 hours total. My toddler had gotten his hands on a hefty dose of sugar and call me crazy if you want, but I'm tellin' ya, as the woman who birthed him and spends more time with him than anyone else on earth, I've picked up a pretty good sense of Cade on Candy, vs. Cade on a Regular Day and Cade on Candy bounces off the walls and is incapable of listening. Mom of Cade on Candy is not nearly as fun as Mom of Cade on a Regular Day and come bedtime tonight, I was done.
His dad put him to bed as per usual, and I put the baby down and then went and just laid on my bed for a minute.
I felt so awful.
I felt bad that I'd spent more time driving for work than I had working for work and didn't feel like I'd done much to be productive or move forward some responsibilities.
I felt bad that I'd spent so much time in the car.
I felt bad that I hadn't been able to convince my toddler to eat more healthy food.
I felt bad that I was so tired tonight that I wasn't a very entertaining wife.
I felt bad that my house was a wreck and I was choosing to go to bed without fixing that.
I felt bad that I wasn't more patient, or hadn't given my baby more one-on-one attention.
I just felt bad. Why does this seem to be the perpetual merry-go-round I'm on these days? I just seem to feel like I'm never measuring up.
Then I decided to go in and check on my boy. He sat up and said, "Hey, Mama, how's it going?"
I laid next to him and he took my face in his hands and smelled it (yeah, dudes, I thought it was weird too).
"Mama, you smell so good!"
What?
We'd just had the roughest evening we've had in a while. And that's what he had to say to me?
That boy is so many good things rolled into one tiny, energetic package. He's so tender - he can't watch the movie "Cars" because when Mater goes tractor tipping, he is so sad about the "hurt tractors". He's so sweet - he doesn't like to hear his baby brother be sad. He's so determined - once he has his mind set on something, he will never, ever waiver. Ever. He's got an incredible memory - he still remembers the house we moved from before he turned 18 months and asks to go there at times. He loves to sing, and spends a great deal of every day belting out songs about tractors and trucks. He has an insatiable appetite to learn and can sing the ABC song, count to 10, and knows all his colors, shapes, and animals. That little boy also loves his mama, despite the many shortcomings of mine that he witnesses every day.
Well, I guess I'm doing alright. If just laying next to him makes him that kind of happy, I couldn't have done too badly today.
My baby had an 8:30 doctor's appointment, and the doctor was running 45 minutes late. My toddler was bored about 5 minutes in to our wait in the tiny exam room and both of us had exhausted each other's patience by the time we left at 9:30.
The baby had a massive blowout, in his carseat, at the doctor's office, and I only had a spare onsie to put him into for the way back.
I realized at the doctor's office that I would need to drive an hour round trip to pick up some business cards from my husband's car for a work appointment I had later that afternoon - so after the doctor, we hurried and drove down and then back to the house to eat a quick lunch and read a book before putting the boys down in hopes they would take a super brief nap before I had to wake them and drop them off at their Grandma's while I went to work.
By the time we got home at 5PM, I had been driving for over 5 hours total. My toddler had gotten his hands on a hefty dose of sugar and call me crazy if you want, but I'm tellin' ya, as the woman who birthed him and spends more time with him than anyone else on earth, I've picked up a pretty good sense of Cade on Candy, vs. Cade on a Regular Day and Cade on Candy bounces off the walls and is incapable of listening. Mom of Cade on Candy is not nearly as fun as Mom of Cade on a Regular Day and come bedtime tonight, I was done.
His dad put him to bed as per usual, and I put the baby down and then went and just laid on my bed for a minute.
I felt so awful.
I felt bad that I'd spent more time driving for work than I had working for work and didn't feel like I'd done much to be productive or move forward some responsibilities.
I felt bad that I'd spent so much time in the car.
I felt bad that I hadn't been able to convince my toddler to eat more healthy food.
I felt bad that I was so tired tonight that I wasn't a very entertaining wife.
I felt bad that my house was a wreck and I was choosing to go to bed without fixing that.
I felt bad that I wasn't more patient, or hadn't given my baby more one-on-one attention.
I just felt bad. Why does this seem to be the perpetual merry-go-round I'm on these days? I just seem to feel like I'm never measuring up.
Then I decided to go in and check on my boy. He sat up and said, "Hey, Mama, how's it going?"
I laid next to him and he took my face in his hands and smelled it (yeah, dudes, I thought it was weird too).
"Mama, you smell so good!"
What?
We'd just had the roughest evening we've had in a while. And that's what he had to say to me?
That boy is so many good things rolled into one tiny, energetic package. He's so tender - he can't watch the movie "Cars" because when Mater goes tractor tipping, he is so sad about the "hurt tractors". He's so sweet - he doesn't like to hear his baby brother be sad. He's so determined - once he has his mind set on something, he will never, ever waiver. Ever. He's got an incredible memory - he still remembers the house we moved from before he turned 18 months and asks to go there at times. He loves to sing, and spends a great deal of every day belting out songs about tractors and trucks. He has an insatiable appetite to learn and can sing the ABC song, count to 10, and knows all his colors, shapes, and animals. That little boy also loves his mama, despite the many shortcomings of mine that he witnesses every day.
Well, I guess I'm doing alright. If just laying next to him makes him that kind of happy, I couldn't have done too badly today.
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