Own Your Choices

I pretty much live on a soapbox, so I should probably just set up a nice, sturdy shelter directly overhead and set up camp on it.

Anyways, there's been something I've been thinking on and feel compelled to share. It's not earth-shattering, I'm not the first one with this idea, and I'm certainly not the first to say it out loud, but I'll say it anyways.

And it is this: you need to OWN your choices. Who you are as a person, the habits you have, the way you spend your time, and the product of those habits and those hours spent are on you. You have control of your choices. Only you have the power to change your habits. And only you can take a look at what comes of the way you spend your time and determine if it's the best way you could be using it.

This seems to be a lesson I need to learn over and over in my adult life, but I feel like I learn it quicker each time.

The first was when we were first married. I was still 18, I had a lot of growing up to do, and moving far away from home and from my job and from my school and from my mother's cooking resulted in me having to figure out the hard way that if I didn't make good choices or put in the work myself, I would be the one to suffer the consequences.

I failed college algebra (and chemistry) because I was too busy telling myself that I wasn't smart enough or "wired the right way" to do well in those classes. In reality, if i would have put my head down, buckled up and done the work - I would have gotten not only a passing grade, but probably also the "A" that I earned the second time around. That was an expensive lesson.

I gained a good amount of weight in the first few months, because I was too busy enjoying the freedom/responsibility of preparing food for myself to be making good choices. If it was 11 PM on a Friday night, and I wanted pudding but didn't have any - I would think, "Cali, you don't have a curfew. You can go to the store - RIGHT NOW - and get pudding." And I would. Several lbs later, when all my clothes were too tight and we were going through a pound of butter a WEEK, I finally had to take a good look at what I was putting in my mouth. It didn't look good. What it looked like was an industrial-sized can of nacho cheese, all kinds of processed and carby foods, and low on quality produce. That needed to change. I had to look at how I was spending my free time. It was in front of the TV, watching Jersey Shore. That had to change. I started gradually making better choices at the grocery store, and had to start out working out from scratch. Where I used to be able to run several miles without blinking, at that point I could barely run a quarter mile. It took a year, but eventually I started running half marathons exercising nearly every night, and making very conscious food choices. The result? After a lot of TIME and consistency, I was back down to my high school weight. More importantly, I was so much healthier.

I also had to learn that there was nobody to share the chores with. If I didn't clean the toilets, my mom wasn't going to come drive 1000 miles and clean them for me. If I didn't do the laundry, I wouldn't have anything to wear. And if I didn't fold said laundry, it would lay scattered on my floor and cycle through the clean/dirty/clean/dirty piles indefinitely.

It's important to remember that changing our habits and making meaningful change takes time. I'm not going to lose the rest of the baby weight tomorrow - but I can make better choices that will help me lose it steadily for the next several weeks. I'm not going to have a perfectly spotless home every minute of every day just yet - but I can continue to slowly add to my daily ritual things that will help that become more of a reality (especially as my kiddos get older and require less constant supervision and monitoring).

And finally, don't get angry when you see others doing something that you wish you could do. It comes down to a) recognizing that they are the product of their choices, and there is usually some sacrifice that comes along with that - for good or for bad, and b) recognizing that nobody else is responsible for your choices but you, and c) setting yourself up for success.

For me? I let my eating get out of control lately. I've always told myself, "See? This is why I don't buy junk food, because I have no self control." The reality is that I haven't made self control a choice. I just see food, and eat it, and figure it's not my fault because it's in my house so I don't have to feel bad. That's not the case. I've been working on changing that mindset and each morning before I eat breakfast, I tell myself, "I am in control of what goes in my mouth today." And I repeat it several times throughout the day (not out loud, because that would be crazy). As silly as that sounds, it changes the internal dialogue from, "I have no self control" to "ONLY I have control".

Instead of looking at moms who have super banging bodies and thinking it's not fair, I remind myself, "I've been prioritizing sleep/time with my family/ my job over long workouts." Is that right or wrong?  It's not up to anyone to choose but me - but my physique is the product of that choice.

Anyways. That's all I've got. I just feel like it's so empowering to own your choices and recognize that only you are in control of them. It's a good opportunity to evaluate how you spend your time and your habits and assess whether or not you're doing what you should be with them.