My second baby is now 3 months old and I've finally started coming out of the just-barely-functioning newborn fog. Boy, was it different this time around. Like you, I saw all the blissfully relaxing "honoring my body", super serene instagram posts by women who literally laid in bed for weeks to bask in the newborn sweetness and recover slowly. Pictures of them soaking in the tub, an herbal bath probably with flowers floating on the surface, their newborn nestled on their legs. Sleepy baby-selfies in color-coordinated jammies.
That sounds lovely, right?
I'm here to tell you that if that is your postpartum reality, you are highly - HIGHLY - privileged and this post is not for you.
If you're like me, and you have a husband who works, and an older child/children who require not only your attention but your energy, and maybe you even need to work your way back into the professional sphere as well - this post, my friends, is for you.
As with all advice you'll encounter in this particularly advice-saturated season of life, take it with a grain of salt.
1) SET YOUR EXPECTATIONS LOW
In life, you often find what you're looking for. That doesn't mean that if you anticipate this newborn period as NOTHING but peaceful relaxation that it will be so. Obviously, there will be beautiful moments, minutes where you wish time would forever stop RIGHT HERE, and times where it feels like life is completely perfect.
The rest of the time, though, it might feel a little difficult. A little like you're never going to get a good night's sleep again. A lot like there's not enough hours in the day, enough hands on your body, enough of your attention to satiate every person (little or otherwise) that needs you. There'll be a fair dose of "how the heck am I supposed to cook/clean/parent/take care of myself/work/keep the dog alive/spend time with my husband". A nagging voice in your mind reminding you of all the things you have waiting on you and urging you to put that baby down and be productive.
I'm not suggesting not to look forward to newborn life or savor it where you can - but for me personally, I went into this second postpartum having prepared myself mentally with a "this *is* going to be difficult. This *is* going to be hard sometimes. There is *definitely* going to be a period of adjustment for all parties involved. This allowed me to take things in stride, not feel deceived by what I thought life would look like, and extend some grace to myself, as well as the other members of my little family.
2) ACCEPT HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT AND ON YOUR OWN TERMS
I'm incredibly lucky to be surrounded by family and friends who are willing (and have) dropped anything and everything to swoop in and love on my boys and help me out. That makes a world of difference. Personally, as long as I'm physically and mentally able to do what I need to do, it's important to me to function and continue with business as usual so that I can adjust and continue to get more used to being a mom of two. I didn't want to become overly dependent on others and then be shell-shocked when the good will and PTO ran out. BUT - when I *need* help, I'm not too shy to accept or ask for it. So when both my boys and I ended up with a cold which meant no sleep for me, on day 5 I called my mom and asked if she could come snuggle my baby so I could nap. She left work, picked up lunch, and entertained both kiddos while I got a much needed two hour nap. After that, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world again.
If you need help - and if you WANT help - accept it. But if you feel up to doing it on your own - by all means, go for it.
3) DON'T BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND EXPECTATIONS
This is such a short and vulnerable time of life. Right after birth, you're bleeding everywhere, getting the hang of nursing all over again, having nurses in and out of your room what feels like every 20 minutes, and if you're like almost all of us, you don't really sleep while you're in the hospital. Hardly the setting and physical state to feel like entertaining.
This time around, I just wanted to be a hermit for a while. This means I limited hospital visits, waited til the day after he was born to have any visitors, and have declined invitations to go visit others. This has made a huge difference for me - I haven't felt pressured to entertain or play pass-the-newborn.
Set your own boundaries for your own sanity. You'll thank yourself later.
4) LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
As nice as it would be, it's not realistic for most of us to lay around in bed for weeks. Most moms are lucky to have their husbands home for a couple days before they return to work. Some don't even get that. When you need to pick back up where life left off, do it strategically and pay attention to how you're feeling. You did birth a human. You are recovering inside, outside, mentally, and emotionally. Do what you can, sit down for a minute when you need to, help your other kids understand (as best they can) that mommy is hurting and needs them to be helpful and gentle.
Also, for whom this is applicable - protect yourself. While it's more obvious (and more crucial) for those recovering from a C-section, you've still got a dinner-plate size wound inside and that's not something to play with. My toddler gut-kicked me during a diaper change about one week postpartum and the pain (and bleeding) that followed made me pretty sure I was going to die for a while.
All this to say, be careful and don't kick yourself for what you can't or don't get done. The laundry always waits, your bathroom can wait one more day to be cleaned, and the dishwasher will still be there in the morning.
5) PREPARE AHEAD OF TIME
Have some meals in the freezer, easy snacks on hand, stock up on diaper and items to entertain the littles. You don't want to be worrying about this stuff when you walk through the door after the hospital.
6) INVEST IN A CARRIER
Now you're outnumbered you can count on multiple people needing you at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone and put the baby in a carrier. I started with a wrap and found my mobility was too limited and my baby overheated so I got a carrier instead. You don't need the expensive Lillebaby... the $25 one from Walmart will do *just* fine. I promise. Bonus: You burn extra calories carrying that baby around all day so there's that.
There you have it - my best nuggets. I hope these tips are helpful!
That sounds lovely, right?
I'm here to tell you that if that is your postpartum reality, you are highly - HIGHLY - privileged and this post is not for you.
If you're like me, and you have a husband who works, and an older child/children who require not only your attention but your energy, and maybe you even need to work your way back into the professional sphere as well - this post, my friends, is for you.
As with all advice you'll encounter in this particularly advice-saturated season of life, take it with a grain of salt.
1) SET YOUR EXPECTATIONS LOW
In life, you often find what you're looking for. That doesn't mean that if you anticipate this newborn period as NOTHING but peaceful relaxation that it will be so. Obviously, there will be beautiful moments, minutes where you wish time would forever stop RIGHT HERE, and times where it feels like life is completely perfect.
The rest of the time, though, it might feel a little difficult. A little like you're never going to get a good night's sleep again. A lot like there's not enough hours in the day, enough hands on your body, enough of your attention to satiate every person (little or otherwise) that needs you. There'll be a fair dose of "how the heck am I supposed to cook/clean/parent/take care of myself/work/keep the dog alive/spend time with my husband". A nagging voice in your mind reminding you of all the things you have waiting on you and urging you to put that baby down and be productive.
I'm not suggesting not to look forward to newborn life or savor it where you can - but for me personally, I went into this second postpartum having prepared myself mentally with a "this *is* going to be difficult. This *is* going to be hard sometimes. There is *definitely* going to be a period of adjustment for all parties involved. This allowed me to take things in stride, not feel deceived by what I thought life would look like, and extend some grace to myself, as well as the other members of my little family.
2) ACCEPT HELP WHEN YOU NEED IT AND ON YOUR OWN TERMS
I'm incredibly lucky to be surrounded by family and friends who are willing (and have) dropped anything and everything to swoop in and love on my boys and help me out. That makes a world of difference. Personally, as long as I'm physically and mentally able to do what I need to do, it's important to me to function and continue with business as usual so that I can adjust and continue to get more used to being a mom of two. I didn't want to become overly dependent on others and then be shell-shocked when the good will and PTO ran out. BUT - when I *need* help, I'm not too shy to accept or ask for it. So when both my boys and I ended up with a cold which meant no sleep for me, on day 5 I called my mom and asked if she could come snuggle my baby so I could nap. She left work, picked up lunch, and entertained both kiddos while I got a much needed two hour nap. After that, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world again.
If you need help - and if you WANT help - accept it. But if you feel up to doing it on your own - by all means, go for it.
3) DON'T BE APOLOGETIC ABOUT YOUR NEEDS AND EXPECTATIONS
This is such a short and vulnerable time of life. Right after birth, you're bleeding everywhere, getting the hang of nursing all over again, having nurses in and out of your room what feels like every 20 minutes, and if you're like almost all of us, you don't really sleep while you're in the hospital. Hardly the setting and physical state to feel like entertaining.
This time around, I just wanted to be a hermit for a while. This means I limited hospital visits, waited til the day after he was born to have any visitors, and have declined invitations to go visit others. This has made a huge difference for me - I haven't felt pressured to entertain or play pass-the-newborn.
Set your own boundaries for your own sanity. You'll thank yourself later.
4) LISTEN TO YOUR BODY
As nice as it would be, it's not realistic for most of us to lay around in bed for weeks. Most moms are lucky to have their husbands home for a couple days before they return to work. Some don't even get that. When you need to pick back up where life left off, do it strategically and pay attention to how you're feeling. You did birth a human. You are recovering inside, outside, mentally, and emotionally. Do what you can, sit down for a minute when you need to, help your other kids understand (as best they can) that mommy is hurting and needs them to be helpful and gentle.
Also, for whom this is applicable - protect yourself. While it's more obvious (and more crucial) for those recovering from a C-section, you've still got a dinner-plate size wound inside and that's not something to play with. My toddler gut-kicked me during a diaper change about one week postpartum and the pain (and bleeding) that followed made me pretty sure I was going to die for a while.
All this to say, be careful and don't kick yourself for what you can't or don't get done. The laundry always waits, your bathroom can wait one more day to be cleaned, and the dishwasher will still be there in the morning.
5) PREPARE AHEAD OF TIME
Have some meals in the freezer, easy snacks on hand, stock up on diaper and items to entertain the littles. You don't want to be worrying about this stuff when you walk through the door after the hospital.
6) INVEST IN A CARRIER
Now you're outnumbered you can count on multiple people needing you at the same time. Kill two birds with one stone and put the baby in a carrier. I started with a wrap and found my mobility was too limited and my baby overheated so I got a carrier instead. You don't need the expensive Lillebaby... the $25 one from Walmart will do *just* fine. I promise. Bonus: You burn extra calories carrying that baby around all day so there's that.
There you have it - my best nuggets. I hope these tips are helpful!
Comments
Post a Comment